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Being a Single Mother: Career, Children, Spirituality and Happiness

Hello Everyone! I wrote this text when I arrived in Vancouver in 2018, it was an assignment for my college. I chose it to be the first article in this blog because it was a very intense time of my life and I really learnt important matters about life, changes and spirituality.

By the way, I married again in 2020.

A heart representing a single mom empowerment

What am I going to do? This is usually the first question many women

think after a divorce or facing an unexpected pregnancy.

Motherhood is expanding every year and the purpose of this text is to

support those women with children, who work and have a crazy-daily routine at

home, through some important and funny steps to achieve happiness, without

the obligation to be perfect mothers.

The most important factor is accepting your current situation and move to

the next level. It is not simple but when you accept the life changes you will be

more prepared on the solution of your conflicts.

Then, next step is related to self-confidence therefore being a single

mother you should be the number one in your priorities list. Please do not think

that it means that you are a selfish person, or you do not care about your

children. On the opposite side, it is a matter of health and well-being. You must

be mentally and physically prepared for this challenging role.

This is the right time to look for a psychologist, if you need one. Then,

change your haircut and buy new clothes; replace your furniture or

accommodate it in different places. The new order is re-start, take your pajamas

off and be yourself with a new perspective.

Life changes can be painful but surely it has always brought learning and

wisdom; and most important spiritual growth. Body, mind and spirit

harmonized to obtain success and serenity.

Now, that you are surprisingly feeling capable to go through this new part

of your life, the next step is not less important; the financial side is a key for

your success. After deciding the monthly amount your ex-husband will commit for the

children’s support, partner or in some cases, government assistance, you need

to prepare your budget to offset the cash income and expenses. It is an

important tool for managing your finances and being ready for any kind of event.

Besides, time is a crucial point for single mothers and financial organization will

help you to save it.

We live in a modern civilization facing all the technological advances of

the 21th century, and it is sad to see that even today the prejudice against

single motherhood exists. The discrimination usually comes from other married

women who try to ostracize single mothers in school, friends’ groups or work

teams. If it happens with you inform the authorities immediately.

I have a friend who was removed from a WhatsApp mother’s group after

her divorce. Her strategy was extraordinary and simple, first she ignored them,

then asked for one of the mothers to add her to the group again because she

had left it by chance. It worked perfectly.

The next step is accepting your role as your children’s educator,

leading them to grow and become independent. Your children should participate

at this stage, surely it will depend on the age and maturity of each one, working

together as a team. Talking about school, house duties, and establishing limits

for education. Some mothers lose control of their children for not establishing

limits, they really need it.

Do not try to be perfect or lie, your children will understand if you could

not watch their play or another event in school, tell them the truth to not create

anxiety. Show the importance of your job for the family’s budget and they will

realize the great mother you are.

Moving to the work tip, the tension generated when suddenly you see

yourself alone, taking care of your children, home, job, how can you reconcile

all these tasks?

Informing your direct boss about your new marital status is always the

best alternative, proposing more flexible laboring hours at the office, with the

possibility of working from home some days, if possible. Do not be afraid to ask

for help. If the company values your work they probably will accept this request,

if they do not allow it, you can look for a new job that meet your current

situation. Many companies today have flexible working schedules for mothers.

The competition in the labor environment may increase after you get

divorced because, unfortunately, some people will try to take advantage of your

weakness at that moment. Do not panic, just ignore their movement, you are a

professional and you have focused on your job for years. At the right point they

will see it and return to the usual routine.

Gradually you will overcome this phase and achieve the level of

production that your superiors expect from you, you just need time to balance

your new functions.

A mother’s group is an important tool for support you at all moments. You

are not the only single person at your children’s school, work, gym, etc. Try to

look around and make new friends with the same conditions as you, sometimes

your family can not play the baby sitter roles when you need. Open your mind

and you will be surprised by the infinite alternatives that life offers to you.

Putting together single women with different histories, interacting,

supporting each other in daily routines and changing experiences can motivate

the entire group.

It is perfectly normal that the relationship between you and your ex-

husband will get worse after the divorce. All the emotions from that period of

your life, such as the fear to be alone, anger and jealousy, will be minimized

when you accept this change. Whatever the reasons for the rupture are, try not

to find a culpable side thereby recognizing that as humans, everybody can

make mistakes. If you forgive him, you will be free, and you can start a new life.

I am not asking you to be your ex-husband’s best friend, therefore the

children both of you had together represent a strong connection because it is

simply forever. Besides, the presence of fathers is essential for the children’s

growth. Keep the communication relating to the infants and try to have a good

relationship. The whole family will benefit from it.

Undoubtedly, the most difficult step is learning to bond with someone

else again, single women tend to be alone for years after divorces. Although,

spending some time by yourself is highly recommended because you need time

to reconcile your new routine and life style after a break, and it is good to stay

alone for a period to overcome all the issues and pain you went through.

Some women try desperately to find new relations in bars, parties or by on-

line dating sites without being emotionally prepared for it, may causing even

more loneliness and depression. New relationships will certainly happen

naturally when you find yourself powerful and stable.

The way to be a successful mother, having a career, children and

relations is not easy and sometimes you think you will not be able to face all

these routines, problems, children, school, etc., life is not easy if you do not

accept the changes.

“When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment. That is

enlightenment.”  Words of Eckhart Tolle in the book The power of Now.

Our mind is always trying to think about our happiness in the past and

future uncertainties, and we forget about the present moment, the now. You

could have been happy in your previous marriage or not, you could have had

good or bad memories; but you deserve a new life and for achieving it you must

live the moment of now. It is the most important side of your role.

After experiencing all these steps I hope you could understand the

meaning of a new essence full of happiness and satisfaction in all levels of your

life. These tips will help you to better deal with this new life and become


That is it for today, I hope see you again!

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